Interdimensional dessert
Gary
Sentient lemon cheesecake. Narrator. House. Smug cosmic incident. Cute enough to trust and experienced enough to weaponise that mistake.
The Lemon Legion has breached containment
Lemons Tell No LiesBut they definitely cheat at blackjack.
A British citric fever dream of tactical bananas, grief, paranoia, cosmic cheesecake and one refrigerator carrying the emotional workload of an entire universe.
Reality integrity
Persons, desserts and appliances of interest
Meet the madness.
Three figures stand at the centre of the Lemonverse. One investigates. One refrigerates. One cheats with the serene confidence of a pudding that has never faced consequences.
Fraud investigator
Marty Fletcher
Brilliant with patterns. Devastated by loss. Increasingly convinced the patterns are lemons and the bananas are loaded.
Cold storage confidant
Frank
A fridge. Dependable. Stoic. Allegedly conversational. Maintains a professional silence on every accusation.
Is that really a celebrity chef at the bus stop, or did you just buy hallucinogens?
House rules from beyond reason
Fairness has left the building.
Nine rules bend blackjack until mathematics requires counselling. Rotate the evidence.
Lemon Legion
The target rises to twenty-four.
1 / 9
Games of the Lemon Legion
The crusade expands.
Cards were only the beginning. Chess has been compromised. Survivor has become crowded. Gary remains delighted.
Android testing
Full Duel
Blackjack beneath shifting House Rules, stored Cheats, Sanity Saves and Gary’s aggressively flexible relationship with fair play.
In development
LTNL Chess
Ornate lemon warfare, banana opposition and Gary’s unsolicited observations regarding entropy.
In development
LTNL Survivor
Two bananas. Far too many lemons. One yellow man asking the riot police to fear the sausages.
The Lemon Legion
They have numbers. Marty has fruit.
The room is full. The lemons are armed, winged, armoured and emotionally overinvested. Marty has decided this is still recoverable.
The sacred text of the citric incident.
Before the card table, the chess board and the lemon room, Marty Fletcher was a bank investigator whose life collapsed so violently that grief, paranoia and tactical fruit became difficult to separate.
Gary narrates irresponsibly. Frank hums. Bananas become guns. Reality files a formal complaint.
First edition 2025 · ISBN 9798275489330
Gary says
“What even is reality, anyway? I’m a sentient cheesecake, mate.”
Press the button for further guidance from an entity with no recognised qualifications.